For A Girl
by Kimagure
Summary: A dark Jyoura frienshippy type fic. Sora has a secret she\'s been keeping from the world for a long time.


_Okay, I think I managed to creep myself out writing this fic. X_x It's also not one of the better fics I've ever written either. Thus, I'm sticking it up here at FF.N under this account 'cause I don't want to bug a lot of people with it. I know that writing dark fics is not my forte, which is why I don't do it very often, but every once in a while, I just get the urge to try. This is the result, and it makes me realize all over again why I don't try this very often. X_x That being said, just as a warning, there is *no* romance in this thing. And it's rated R for a reason, okay? The song is "What it feels like for a girl" by Madonna. _

**For a Girl**__

_Girls can wear jeans  
And cut their hair short  
Wear shirts and boots  
'Cause it's OK to be a boy_

Joe hesitated before climbing up the last few steps of the pedestrian bridge that connected the opposite sides of the main thoroughfare that ran through the center of Odaiba. He could see the purpose of his entire outing, this entire walk, standing thoughtfully and leaning against the railing. She looked peaceful and pensive at the same time, but then, that was pretty much the way Sora tended to be on occasion. 

Matt had asked that Joe talk to her. The blonde had claimed that Joe had a knack for understanding what was going through the redhead's mind. But Joe knew that the real reason probably stemmed from his being something of a non-threat. And he was okay with that. Both Sora and Matt were his friends, and if he could help them out, he would. After all, they'd both been there for him, too. 

"Hey Sora." Training his voice to sound soothing and non-threatening, Joe came up beside her, leaning against the railing himself, and trying to look out into the horizon to see if he could discover what it was that held Sora's undivided attention in the distance. Finding nothing noteworthy in the smog, the high-rises and the traffic, Joe turned to look at her. 

She'd cut her hair again. Real short this time. Shorter than what it had been when they'd been in the digital world the first time. But despite the fact that it should have made her look boyish, it never had that effect. Her features were just too fine, too delicate to be taken as anything other than feminine. Come to think of it, Joe realized as he looked at her, she'd always been one of those girls that just had the knack of looking elfish and beautiful instead of frumpy and masculine in boyish clothes. 

"Joe." She finally returned as she turned to look at him. He offered her a sympathetic smile as those hazel eyes focused on him. "How've you been?" The question almost seemed automatic. "I haven't seen you in a while. Been on any interesting dates?" 

'Tai set me up with one of his guy friends a couple of weeks back. It was an utter failure. I think I understand now why it is that people run scared from blind dates." He said as he put his forearms on the railing and leaned forward slightly. Sora nodded politely as she turned around, leaning her back against the same railing. 

"It can't be easy for you." She said softly as she looked out in the other direction. "I mean, it's hard enough sometimes for us girls to find the right guy. I imagine it must be ten times worse for you to be able to find one after weeding out all the throw backs."

"I guess." Joe answered reluctantly. He looked over to catch a glimpse of her vacant face. Her mind was obviously somewhere else. But he'd promised Matt he'd ask, and they were both his friends, after all, he reminded himself again. He didn't like to see either one hurting, and right now, it seemed to him that they both were. "Sora?"

"Yeah?" 

"Matt...well...he said that you broke up with him." Her eyes swivelled to his, and there was a flicker of something in them as they stopped to rest on his face. 

_But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading  
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading  
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like  
Wouldn't you  
What it feels like for a girl_

"We slept together. It wasn't right." Sora replied bluntly to Joe's unspoken inquiry. "I heard Shuu's back in town for good now." She added quickly, changing the topic. 

_He'd told that he'd loved her. Whispered it softly into her ear, even, as he'd gently swept the bangs from her face. She could feel his hot breath against her skin as he moved over her slightly to softly kiss her forehead. _

_'You're beautiful' he'd whispered again, as his hand idly traced her collar bone before sliding down to...to...she'd whimpered quietly at the touch as his other hand ventured up her naked thigh. She'd let him do it. She'd felt helpless to stop it. A scream, a protest, a push, anything! But nothing happened. She hadn't been able to move. To break out of the prison that had formed around her. _

_'No! This isn't right! This isn't the way I want it to be!' she'd wanted to scream. But nothing had come out except for a tiny squeak, which he had taken as being one of pleasure. He'd rolled on top of her slowly, his weight slowly crushing her own, pushing her chest in, making it difficult to breathe. A panicky gasp was all she had managed to get in before his lips slid on top of hers. _

_She had tried to block it all out of her head. It was dirty. Degrading. But she had let it happen anyway._

"Yeah, Shuu's back in town for good." Joe replied after spending a few moments to gather his thoughts. Sora smiled at him inanely, and Joe wonder for a moment, if he hadn't trespassed into territory he had no business being in. She was Matt's ex. The blonde was the one who was still desperately in love with her. It should be Matt standing here talking to Sora, and not Joe. 

But that didn't change the fact that it was Joe standing there trying to absorb the bombshell the redheaded girl had just dropped. They's...they'd_ slept_ together? They'd only been dating for two months! And for God's sake, they were only fifteen. Had they even _thought_ about what they were doing before they'd jumped right into it? No wonder their relationship had taken a turn for the worse! But it wouldn't do any good to say those things out loud, Joe realized as he watched Sora stare mindlessly off across the city.

"Sora..."

"My Dad came back with Shuu, you know." She butted in quickly, not letting him finish his half formed thought. "My mom was overjoyed. I don't know if I ever told you, but they'd been estranged for a long time. Dad was living in Kyoto while we lived here in Tokyo."

"How long were they apart?" Joe finally asked with a sigh, letting Sora have her way and avoid the topic for the moment. The blue haired boy knew he could work the conversation back to Matt eventually, and really, in a situation like this, it was best to use something Tai and Matt knew very little about: tact. 

"Dad left for Kyoto the same summer that we were sucked into the digiworld for the first time." Joe frowned as he thought about that little bit of information. Odd that he'd never known that about Sora's family. He assumed Tai knew a bit, since the two of them had been such close childhood friends, but why had she kept it such a secret from the rest of them? Of course, thinking about it, Joe realized Matt had never been what anyone would call open about his family situation either. Maybe it was just something about having a parent leave that inspired shame and silence. 

"Is that why you were so concerned about your mother loving you when we were in the digiworld that summer?" He asked gently as Sora turned around, resting her chin down on her forearms as she stared down at the streets below her. 

"Mmm." She murmured noncommittingly.

_She stared at Biyomon as she tried to sort it all out in her confused head. Hers was the crest of love? Why? Lightly resting her hand on the fuzzy, sleeping pink head, her brow furrowed. What did she know of love? It was ugly. Twisted. Dark. _

_It was only that way for her though. _

_Sighing, she stilled her hand on the trusting pink head. Her digimon. She loved her digimon, right? She would do anything in her power to protect and defend Biyomon against any foe. Known or unknown. _

_And her mother...._

_Did her mother love her? At all? Like that? How did her mother see love? How did her mother see her? Did the woman she lived with see the same things in her that Sora saw herself when she looked in the mirror?_

_Silky smooth  
Lips as sweet as candy, baby  
Tight blue jeans  
Skin that shows in patches_

"Joe?" 

Turning his head at the sound of Sora's softly spoken voice, Joe almost breathed a sigh of relief. The silence between them had become increasingly uncomfortable to him. Although, from the look on her face, it didn't appear as if the lack of conversation had had much affect on Sora. "Yeah?" 

"Do you think I'm pretty?" 

Somewhat stunned by the question, Joe nodded. "Oh course I do. You're a beautiful girl, Sora. Anyone can see that." 

"Oh." She frowned slightly, as if that hadn't been the answer she'd wanted to hear, and frowning Joe stared at her as he tried to figure it out. "Do you think Yolie's beautiful, too?" 

"Yes, but in a different way. Why do you ask? I mean, did you think Matt had a crush on her?" Mentally Joe winced at the bluntness of the question, but Sora only offered him a small smile for the words. 

"My Dad and Shuu met her in Kyoto, didn't they?" 

"Yeah. Shuu said she was pretty spunky. He said your father was really impressed by her maturity and the way she handled herself in the situation." Joe returned, confused by the turn the conversation had taken. Sora shivered slightly in the breeze, and pulling off his school jacket, he drew it around her shoulders. 

"My father said that, huh." Her voice was monotone and if she even noticed the fact that he'd given her his jacket, it would come as a surprise to Joe. Her eyes already had that faraway look in them again.

_"So Yolei's one of your digidestined friends, isn't she? She's a very beautiful girl." He said as he sat down beside Sora on her day bed. Concentrating on the cheery looking floral pattern of her bed spread, she nodded reluctantly. She could feel the heaviness on her chest again, and her blood was jumping erratically in her veins. _

_"She seems much better suited to being a digidestined then your other friend...what was her name? The pretty one with the strawberry blonde hair?"_

_"Mimi." She replied softly._

_"Yes, that was her name. Do you ever invite her over to spend the night?" She desperately shook her head no. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her gently up beside him in a semi-hug. The tears stung at her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. _

_"You're such a beautiful girl, Sora."_   


_Strong inside but you don't know it  
Good little girls they never show it  
When you open up your mouth to speak  
Could you be a little weak_

"Sora? Sora, are you feeling okay?" Joe asked quietly as Sora seemed to shiver a little bit more. The air was pretty warm, considering it was almost summer, but the afternoon sunshine had given way to clouds and a fine misting of rain. "Do you wanna go to a restaurant and talk or something? I mean, it _is_ raining."

"No, no I'm fine. You can go if you want, Joe. I don't plan on staying much longer." He could tell by the way she avoided his eyes, that she was lying to him. That in itself was odd. It wasn't like Sora to do that. 

"Sora, what's bothering you? You have to talk to someone, you know. You just can't keep it bottled up inside you." He tried to reprimand gently. She did look him in the eye this time, and he could see the overly glassy cast to her eyes as she drew a shaky breath. 

"You don't understand. It's not that easy." 

"Try me, Sora. I want to help you." Joe pleaded quietly. It was getting difficult to see out of his glasses as a light layer of sprayed water began to cover them, so he pulled them off his face and shoved them into his pocket. He only needed them to read things up close, after all. He'd be able to see just fine without them as long as Sora stood a couple of feet away. 

"I can't." 

"Does it have something to do with your sleeping with Matt? You're not pregnant are you?" Joe blurted out as the thought instantly popped into his head. At Sora's semi-amused grin though, he dismissed the idea. "Then what is it Sora? Is it Yolei?"

  
  


"A small part of it, maybe."

_"Why don't you invite Yolei over for the night? I'm sure the two of you would have fun, and I still have a couple of questions I'd like to ask her."_

_"I can't." Sora replied quickly, almost choking on her own breakfast as she rapidly tried to think up some excuse that would sound just plausible enough. "I haven't cleaned my room in a long time, and it would take ages for it to look presentable. That and I have a ton of homework to do." _

_"Oh nonsense sweetie." Blinking, she swung her head around to face her mother. "I can help you clean your room, and I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to finish your homework if you two don't stay up too late tonight." Trying not to panic, Sora's mind flew to find another excuse. One that neither of them could discredit. _

_"Oh, I just remembered, Yolei's mother doesn't let her go over to sleepovers. They're very overprotective parents, you know." Flash a fake smile. "Oops, look at the time, I'm gonna be late for school!" She ran as fast as she could out of the room before they could stop her. _

"Sora?" 

"I...I don't deserve the crest of love. I don't know what love is. I never have, Joe." 

  
  


_Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby  
Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting  
  
Hurt that's not supposed to show  
And tears that fall when no one knows  
When you're trying hard to be your best  
Could you be a little less_  


"Of course you deserve it, Sora. You're like the most loving person I know." Joe stumbled through the words as the redhead gave him a doubtful glance. 

"I just dumped Matt after sleeping with him. I wouldn't call that very loving." 

"I'm sure you had your reasons." Joe responded, knowing that if he related this conversation to Matt word for word, the blonde would strangle him. Not that that mattered much, Joe wasn't stupid. Matt was going to get the extremely edited version of what happened anyway. It served the guitar player right anyways for not coming out and doing this himself. "Sora, tell me what went wrong."

"Tell you what went wrong? Do you really want to know? Because to tell you the truth Joe, I don't think you could handle knowing what went wrong." She gave a dry, humorless laugh before resting her head down on her forearms and shivering. "He should've stayed in Kyoto. He said he was going to _stay_ in Kyoto."

_'Are you scared?' He whispered in her ear as his fingers idly traced over her collar bone once again. She swallowed hard and nodded as he heart gave a frightened little rabbit hop. His other hand rested on her knee and then slowly slid up her thigh and underneath her skirt. _

_'S...stop. P...please.' the words sounded small and terrified even to her own ears. But he didn't stop as his fingers found their way inside her panties, instead he cooed into her ear telling her that everything was alright now that he was here. But it wasn't. It never was. _

_'You should grow out your hair. It would look so pretty if it were nice and long like that digidestined friend of yours, Yolei.' She closed her eyes and willed the whole entire bedroom, and him along with it, to just disappear. His fingers slid through her hair for a moment as the fingers on the other hand fondled her. She gave a tiny pathetic whimper. 'I love you so much.' He whispered into her ear. _

_But this wasn't love. She knew that. He didn't love her. But she had thought her mother loved her. Where was she?! Her thoughts went into a mass panicky whirlwind as he moved to lay on top of her. Wasn't her mother supposed to protect her? _

Joe gaped at Sora as the girl let out a shuddering sob. Being the kind of friend that he was, his first instinct was to immediately ask what was wrong. But...but he thought he might know just what it was that had gone so wrong for his friend. And the thought of it made him nauseous. But as her sobs refused to subside, instead only growing greater in strength, he felt his determination well up. She'd been wrong. He could handle knowing what was wrong. She was his friend, he loved her. If he'd talked to the rest of the digidestined, the answer would be much the same. She was their friend, and they loved her. They wanted to protect her. They would protect her. 

"Sora?" He said softly as he reached over, prying her off the railing. She flinched away from his touch for a moment as she looked up into his eyes. Then with a choked sob, she buried her face into his shirt, and he held her in his arms as she cried. 

"She didn't believe me. My own mother. She didn't believe me." The words came out in choked, stilted wail. 

"I believe you." 

_In this world  
Do you know  
Do you know  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl  
What it feels like in this world_  
  



End file.
